Thursday, February 2, 2012

The Facts of Life

Does anyone else remember that show?
By all means, I shouldn't really remember that show, but thanks to Nick @ Nite, I was able to watch it constantly when I was younger.

The theme song was even my ringtone for a while. I remember this particularly well because my phone went off in Chemistry class my Junior year of High School. My embarrassment level was pretty much as high as it could go (mostly because my teacher was quite scary -- likeable, and great, but scary).

I also remember it because the song drove my little brother insane.

Anywho, I have learned quite a few "facts of life" in my days here in Virginia. Sometimes you don't quite realize how much ya know.

(DISCLAIMER: this list is entirely generalized based on my own experiences, and you are welcome to take everything with a grain of salt, since I am sure you or someone or something that you know of may be the exception in some way or another).

1. Home Fries.
Ya know, I thought it was pretty universally known that "Fries" refer to fries a la french. In otherwords, Fries refer to slender fried potatoes. But, nay. Home Fries are actually home potatoes. Little chunks of potatoes. In no way are they "fries". I'm not a fan of this.

2. Valentine's Day.
Girls (who are single) HATE Valentine's Day with an unnatural fervor. This entry coincides with a newly realized pet peeve of mine. Would ya calm down, missy? Next month when you have a boyfriend, you'll be all for it. So go get yourself some ice cream and leave St. Valentine alone.

3. All freeway entrances should be merging. To yield is to risk your life on a daily basis. Growing up as a merger, I am no good at being a yielder. And the funny thing is? People who grow up as a yielder are no good at being a yielder, either.

4. Nobody likes a salesman. This isn't a newfound revelation from VA, just a commonly known truth.

5. Lynchburg doesn't get that cold.

6. Writing a book is a lot harder than you might think. I can't tell you how many times I've read something and thought, "Psh! I could write that..." but, as these last months have proven, being an author is hard work. The 3 books that I'm in the middle of writing (and by "middle" I mean 2 paragraphs in) all pretty much suck, and I have newfound respect for anyone who has theirs published and adored.

7. "Cellar-Door" is the most beautiful combination of words in the English language.

8. Even if you're feeling great, you will say "I'm tired" just to have something to say.

9. The 90's were absolutely the greatest time period to grow up in. The more I look back, the happier I am that those were my years. My children will experience all the treasures of the 90's. Because I'm pretty sure their generation is going to be doomed, based solely on the apparent need for 5 year-olds to have cell phones and the overall stupidity of the Disney channel.

10. Sitting at a computer all day not only demolishes any and every energetic and motivational molecule in your body, it also removes about 7 years of your life. (**this point has not yet been proven).

11. I'm tired.

12. Cheese is God's way of saying, "In case you missed my rainbow, this is another promise of everlasting goodness for you (and also to remind you that I won't flood the earth again)."

13. Reading is absolutely a great way to spend your time. Unless all you read is Twilight.

14. Nicholas Sparks has and always will kill off someone or something in every single one of his books (even if what he kills is simply the last remaining hope of love or happiness).

15. Don't assume that everyone has manners. Just because I would do something a certain way, doesn't mean I can expect everyone else to rise to that level of excellence. In fact, it's better to just assume that everyone sucks so as not to be incredibly disappointed when you are mooched off of and taken advantage of daily.

What facts of life have you encountered lately?

In love (and love for sarcasm),


  1. I chuckled out loud all the way through this. You are a great author-in-training. Loved it. Adorable, funny, clever, sarcastic...

  2. haha! loving the 90s/now sketch! great little rant- loved it!

  3. So funny, Caitlin. I love the sarcasm, and I agree with you 100% about the 90's. Keep writing . . .